USS Milwaukee a harbinger of new, carbon-neutral Barge Navy (satire)
The newest and most littoral combat ship, USS Milwaukee, gets an environmental upgrade after less than three weeks in the water.
While all the other ships have to waste fuel and expel carbon dioxide to propel themselves, this new $362 million ship is completely carbon-neutral in compliance with the recent Climate Change accords signed in Paris by President Obama. The only downside of the ship’s carbon neutrality is its complete lack of propulsion, which is why it is currently being towed into port by a tug boat.
No one, not even the Navy, expected such energy efficiency from the ship’s deployment. “It is basically a moving barge packed with expensive toys,” said Secretary of the Navy, Ray Mabus, confirming reports that the ship has been reclassified from USS to USB.
Forced to comply with the latest environmental concerns and directives coming from the White House, the Navy is currently planning to launch more barges like the USB Milwaukee to drift around the oceans protecting America’s interests…
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