Those pesky lunar calendars! Having Islam’s 354-day calendar must make it really hard to plan holidays. The timing shifts around. And you need an official spokesperson to announce the actual timing of special days.
As it happens, one such special day has recently been announced. And it’s coming up fast! Maybe it snuck up on you: did you know it was Mohammed’s birthday? “Milaad.”
It will be celebrated soon, according to an official release by UAE. It was announced all the way back on December 13th. (Because, I guess, calendars are hard.) What day have they picked for the celebration? December 24th. I’ll admit, it snuck up on me. I forgot all about it. Haven’t picked up the party decorations or anything. Are you ready for the festivities? How does one even celebrate Milaad?
Is there a Hallmark card for such an occasion? A picture of … hmmm. Well, not a picture of THAT, obviously. Maybe it has lovely pictures of wildlife? Or camels? Maybe a Danish Cartoonist?
Is there some equivalent to “the Night Before Christmas” that people read for the occasion? Something by Salman Rushdie perhaps?
Other religions retell the important stories of their heroes. Jewish people celebrate their flight from Egypt. Christians have pageants. Does Islam have some equivalent story they like to tell?
Maybe the slaughter Mohammed led after the “Battle of the Trench”? You know… the one where somewhere between 300 to 900 men and barely-pubescent boys were beheaded by Muhammed and his men. (After that, of course, they plundered their women and property.)
Is there special festive music? Maybe we could play Jeff Dunham’s “Jingle Bombs” bit by Achmed the Dead Terrorist?
All kidding aside, the same nation that denounces CAIR a terrorist group invites people to celebrate the birthday of the Prophet of the Sword from the alleged religion of peace…