Syrian Refugees to Hijack U.S. Homeless Shelters
WASHINGTON, DC – As hundreds of thousands of Syrian refugees are looking for a place they could run to from the war, many countries are closing their borders, resorting to a racist vetting process. Dear Leader Barack Obama, on the other hand, speaking from within the White Fortress, has promised to open America’s gates to these unfortunate Mohammedan souls.
This brings up the question of accommodation for the unfortunate. Just in time for this, a government-backed survey has determined that America’s homeless shelters have long been abused by the country’s poor, mentally disabled, and drug and alcohol addicted, as well as by some war veterans, who have long overstayed their welcome.
It is only fair that the nation’s homeless shelters be cleared of the above groups of US citizens, upgraded with prayer rooms and foot-washing facilities, and be used to accommodate the arriving tired, poor, and huddled Muslims yearning to pray free, dine free, and shop free.
This plan is going to be implemented in all 57 states, regardless of whether their governors want it or not. The question of where the existing destitute Americans will go from here remains moot, but some of the refugee representatives have assured the federal government agents that making a few thousand people disappear without a trace is not a problem for the new arrivals, many of whom are trained and have extensive experience in just this sort of problem-solving techniques. They even offered help in clearing the shelters of the current residents and taking over their management without any need of further government supervision.
And yet, despite the refugees’ assurances of self-sufficiency and self-government…