Stock market crash foretells third coming of Bush
Six days of stock market losses that have erased trillions of dollars of global wealth are being taken as a sign that the long-awaited Third Coming of Bush is at hand. Those gifted in the dark art of political prognostication have reportedly been awaiting this omen for many months.
Well known oracle Karl Rove was the first to recognize the significance of the financial portent, tweeting “As it was in 1987, as it was in 2000, so will it be in 2016. Let the Third Bush come forth and the world tremble at his glory!”
David Brooks, Chief Conservative Augur for the New York Times, elaborated in an op-ed, “[t]he election of a President Bush is always foreshadowed by a massive stock market crash. The Black Monday crash of 1987 ushered in the presidency of George H. W. Bush in 1988. The ‘dot com’ crash that began in March 2000 signaled the rise of George W. Bush later that year. The past few days have witnessed the decimation of world markets and a 1,900 point loss on New York Stock Exchange, and I am pleased to proclaim that, without a doubt, Jeb Bush will be the Republican nominee, and the next President of the United States.”
National Republican Committee Chairman Reince Priebus, also a talented and connected political soothsayer, called the GOP faithful to action, saying, “the prophecies tell of the Third, or ‘Charmed,’ Bush that will lead America to greatness. But before that time, the enemies of the Charmed Bush must rise up against him, so that they may be revealed and smitten…