CEDAR RAPIDS – After enjoying a slice of mincemeat pie and coffee with local residents at the Wood-Knot diner this afternoon, Hillary Clinton appeared disappointed at the small number of reporters and cameras waiting for her outside the diner. As she waved to a passing car that honked several times, the former secretary of state was asked by a reporter from the Iowa Farmernewspaper what her thoughts were on Donald Trump’s surge in the polls. Mrs. Clinton turned beet red and lashed out at the reporter.
“Donald Trump? This was supposed to be the summer of Hillary! Why aren’t you asking me about me? What about income inequality or racism? I’ve spent a month sitting in diners eating meatloaf and nobody cares because you guys are obsessed with Trump. I’ve spent decades, decades waiting for this moment and you’re asking me about Donald Trump? What difference does he make? God damn it, this was supposed to be the summer of Hillary!”
As members of Mrs. Clinton’s staff rushed her into Scooby, her armored campaign van, former President Bill Clinton walked out carrying a piece of luggage and spoke to reporters. Mr. Clinton was asked if his wife was OK.
“Oh, Hillary’s just tired. After a month of eating at these roadside diners she’s got some intestinal issues and her nerves are a bit frayed. But she’ll be her old jovial self in a day or two. Sometimes campaign tours can make you a little stir crazy, like you’re being pulled in all directions. But she’s gonna be fine.”
A reporter asked Mr. Clinton how his wife deals with the pressure of campaigning.
“Well, we always bring along my ventriloquist doll, Mr. Poontang,” Mr. Clinton said, lifting up the luggage he was holding. “He has a way of cheering Hillary up when the campaign trail wears her down.”